True story, I had to share.
Why? Because this may be showing up for you - either as the giver or the receiver - and if it is, it's likely completely unintentional. And we can do something about that.
This morning I got a gift. A major gift. So here you go. Take this and use it as it serves you -- however it serves you.
Once upon a time...
I was about to sign off on a contract that would have been worth a high 5 figures to the vendor. (Possibly more over the scope of the work.)
I'd gone through the offering. Done my due diligence. Made sure it was a positive investment for my company. It was.
I'd dealt with this prospective partner (I think of "vendors" as partners) in conversations before. The thing that always sat a little "off" with me was the energy of the lead person. I never felt GREAT walking away from an interaction. I noticed that every time we spoke, there was an energy of "busy", "stressed out", "rushed", "tense"... but I over rode it. I felt that the work we were going to be doing and the value it would provide was worth over riding the irritated and blech feeling I'd walked away with more than once. Intuitively I sensed this was wrong... I should have listened sooner. Truth is, I really wanted it to work. I wanted to be a "YES!"
More due diligence. More planning. Today, at 8 a.m., I was ready to move on it.
Until the lead contact said "Hello"...
And it all went away.
Her energy was... sorry... but... horrible.
I decided not to proceed.
Why? What happened? Why the change of heart?
If I was being honest, I realized that my body literally felt "hampered" being in her presence. I felt a sense of tension. Rushing. Irritation. A thing to "check off the list".
I felt anything but valued, connected, heard, seen, and present with.
My energy sunk. I felt tired. And it was only 8:15 a.m.
I'm pretty good at "holding my space" and not letting this kind of energy pull on me, but this time, knowing I'd be heading into a long term partnership that my team and I would be paying for, well this one, screamed "red flag". I listened.
All the sudden working with this vendor felt like an energetically taxing exercise. It felt very expensive. It wasn't even about the money - it was literally this person's energetic presence.
I didn't want to over react, so I checked myself and how I might be contributing to the tension. Then I checked in and asked her how she was... And then I made a very small request.
How are you? Is this still a good time? And can we walk through this one piece again?
"Oh! I'm so tired! I'm so busy. I have so much work to do. People keep asking me for things. I barely got any sleep last night. Sure, I'll walk you through it, can we do it later, what part?"
It was all there (short the "dog ate my homework").
But then... She must have felt me.
"But!!!! I'm so excited you want to do this work with us, okay! Let's walk through it now. We'll make it work. I love working with you, we'll take great care of you."
Right smile. Right words.
Totally incongruent energy. Her presence did not match her words.
I don't believe you.
And in that moment, I was energetically "done". I felt the moment pass. I decided not to work with this partner.
And I walked away.
And I feel great about it. Relieved. My intuition a bit wounded but happy to be listened to finally.
I'm not exaggerating when I say that at 7:50 a.m. this morning as I took my kids to school, I was ready to dive in with both feet. And I'm not exaggerating when I say that at 8:23 I was done with the whole thing 8 minutes into our meeting.
If her presence had been present and positive and WITH me - I'd have signed today. If her energy had been the least bit in alignment with her words, I may (may) have still considered it.
I gave her that feedback. Kindly. That feedback will serve her for years to come if she integrates it.
We all have bad days. We all have times when we're tired, feel overwhelmed, and forget to self-manage our presence with others. I get it.
Totally get it.
And it has an impact. Financially, relationship wise, energetically, in our own confidence, and so much more.
We impact people. Period.
What is the impact you are having on those around you? How does your story (of being "busy", overwhelmed, tired, or just unconscious) impact your presence? How is it impacting you and your confidence to lead?
And if you're confronted with this in others, okay. Cool. Many things to do here. Consider: What is the energy you're showing up with? How might you be contributing to the dynamic? How can you shift it AND take care of yourself? What might you need to change? What might you need to walk away from (or towards)?
An invitation to connect with yourself here.
How are you showing up with clients? With prospective clients? With your team? With your kids? We're always having an impact. Always. What that impact is, and how influential we can be, is totally up to us. It never ceases to amaze me how easy it can be to forget this. Or to not even realize it in the first place.
And when we have these people in our lives, we have huge influence there. We can be a contribution to their presence and leadership. How? Notice it, check in with how you're showing up, shift it if needed, make requests to make it "right", give feedback. And love the other person no matter what - their negative energy does not need to tax you - you do not need to get sucked into it. You do not need to become it.
It may, however, mean you have to make harder decisions.
This is a super power. Intentional Energetic Presence (IEP) is where you get to choose how you show up. And you get to choose how you respond to others when they're showing up in a way that's less powerful, or even negative. You get to decide what the impact is that you want to have on others. You drive.
Does this apply to you? Do you want your IEP to be more powerful and effective?
This Spring I'm leading an event on this. I'll be teaching my IEP Method to an exclusive group of people. The event does have limited seating as I want to really "get in there" with you, so be sure to sign up right away. You can learn all about it here.
We have people bringing their teams. Some are even planning river rafting trips around the event. Come solo, come with your team, just come.
The next IEP Live! event is on Tuesday May 6th and Wednesday, May 7th, from 10-4 in Sacramento. You can learn more and register right here.
Curious what an IEP Live! event looks like? Take a peek here at some of our IEP Live! events that took place in 2013.
In the meantime, show up, do good, lead.
My very best to you,