I've been considering my relationship with the word "decide" lately. I think it's one of the most powerful words we have in our vocabulary. I lean on it consistently. It "makes" me move. If you've worked with me or seen me speak, you know the stance I take on this gorgeous word. This word tickles.
But it doesn't always work out. Sometimes it needs some love. And sometimes it needs a bit more space and grace than others.
Over the last couple of months, I've been in what I call a "growth period"... big stuff. I do this every year for different reasons; I look at my life, my relationships, what's important to me NOW, how I'm showing up, where this work is going, what I want... and then I make decisions to support it all.
Some decisions are harder than others. Some are blissful no-brainers. Some are just downright painful.
And some decisions suck. (Or at least in the moment... because if it's truly the "right" decision, when you get to the other side, there is more space and beauty than will seem possible in the moment of "suck").
The sucky ones are often where the most power lies in order to unlock stuff, but they're harder to dive into. More vulnerable. Scarier. Downright terrifying and internally riveting at times. This "harder" needs to be nurtured. Loved. Partnered with.
Despite the absolute push and pull to trudge through it, put it in a box, tie it up with a bow, and make the "decision"... As much as I'd love to tell you to "go for it", it generally just doesn't work that way. Especially with the big stuff.
I've worked it that way before. (It's my edge still today.) I'm a do-er. I'd see a decision that needed to be made in service of whatever, I'd make it, move forward... but if I didn't nurture the underlying heartfelt needs, if I forced it, I risked moving forward in a "spiritual bypass" kind of way. Even though my head, and even my body, would say "yes", my spirit and heart would often need a bit more space and TLC to make the decision fully. To energetically become that decision. This - in case you haven't experienced this yet - is easier said than done.
When you energetically become your decision and create that internal alignment, the Universe lines up to help make it so. Pieces fall into place, the right agent calls, the right apartment shows up, business deals work, relationships build or complete with grace, your kid gets into the right program, your creativity amps up, things hum... and internally, because you're in alignment, no matter how hard the decision is, you have yourself to come back to.
Every time I've disregarded this, I've paid for it; energetically, mentally, and even financially. I've also made messes of things.
If the decision is not aligned with body, mind, heart, spirit ... even though you've "made it", it's going to be harder to manifest it. You need alignment. You need clarity. You can't get ____ done - really - until you've decided.
So what do you do? Well, what you don't do is force the decision.
You give yourself grace.
Be kind. Be tender. Feel into the discomfort. Let yourself cry. Allow for anger. Allow even for the guilt or the shame. Allow for greed. Anything goes. Give yourself all the space you need to be with the different routes, the different parts, to experience the different emotions, to be.
Allow for yourself to even make NO decision. At least not right now. That is a powerful decision in itself.
And when it's time, really time, your decision will come into the light. And you'll feel it. A full body YES. Even if it's hard. And things will open up, clearer.
What happens from here is up to you, the Universe and your higher power. But the Universe will not work with you if you are not present and aligned and clear. It just won't. (At best, it's going to be slower and will likely throw you some extra "soul tests".)
So your priority in making decisions? Take great care of yourself. Stay present. Practice tremendous IEP (Intentional Energetic Presence). Allow for everything. Lean on your inner circle (be choosy about this, this is tender stuff). Be honest. Stay grounded. Stay connected to your truths. Stay.
And all along the way, love on you, appreciate the present state of discomfort and whatever other beautiful (or "ugly") emotions may arise, and be.
Your next step, your internal peace, your authenticity, and your ability to create impact in the world that you most want, relies heavily on your ability to make honest, loving, congruent decisions for yourself.
Don't let anyone tell you differently.