I refer a lot of people to a lot of different companies and vendors. Coaches, trainers, therapists, services, products, you name it — if it’s something I think will serve someone I’m working with, or one of our students, they get an introduction.

Recently I had a client who I thought could benefit from one of my contacts’ wares… I told him I’d make an introduction… and then I didn’t. I waited. And waited some more. Truth was. I didn't want to make the introduction. I wanted the client to have the product, but for some reason, I didn’t want to engage with the vendor. Yikes. Why?

In a word… Intuition and energy.

The vendor’s main contact, who’d ultimately be the main point of contact for my client, had some pretty low vibe energy. My intuition told me it wasn’t a good match. Wanting to check myself, I checked in with another client I’d referred in the past. How was it going? What was their experience like? Happy?

They shared they loved the product, but they very much disliked dealing with the contact, and avoided him at every turn. Apparently conversations were self-focused, they experienced him as more committed to demonstrating his brilliance than actually being helpful, and in a consistent state of “sell and upgrade”. It was “icky”. While the lead of the team was great to work with, two of the key people they had supporting them — and on the front lines with clients — apparently were not.

Had they shared this with the vendor? Nope, just me, and only because I’d asked. They didn’t plan on telling the vendor because 1) they didn’t want to hurt their feelings, and 2) it wasn’t worth the energy “to get into it”.

But they weren’t buying more wares. They were just going to go away.

This happens all the time — I’m sure more than we realize. In fact my original draft of this article had 3 more good examples. Keeping this piece to 800 words or less, I’ll invite you to consider your own.

If you, or your people, have negative energy, are not showing up well, or are making your clients feel less than important —  you’re LUCKY if someone tells you. Most of the time they won’t, they’ll just leave and find someone who appreciates them and their business, honors them as client, and feels good to be around.

So what to do?

First, yes, of course. Ask your clients and customers for feedback (if this is interesting to you, comment below and I’ll write a future post on HOW to get this feedback and what kind of questions to ask)…

AND, be proactive…

Underline this 54 times… YOUR PRESENCE HAS IMPACT. When you walk into a room, get on a call, hangout with anyone, eat a meal… your presence has impact. How you show up, matters.

So how do you show up better? Let’s start with the basics.

• Your presence — What vibe are you projecting? How do you look? What are your facial expressions? Your tone of voice? What are you bringing?
• Your regard — How are you regarding the person or people you are with? As humans, that you’re here to serve? As a sale? As a pain in the butt? As lame? Or as brilliant? A partner? You get the idea.
• Your intentions — How would you like them to experience you? What do you want for them? Who do you want to be for them? How do you want to show up? How can you make them feel seen, heard, and special? Intend.
• Your energy — What energy are you bringing to the table? Are you 100%? Are you well fed, hydrated, breathing? Or are you exhausted, complaining, jet lagged, depleted, and basically an energy suck?
• Your gratitude and curiosity — What are you grateful for here? How awesome is it that you get to serve THEM? What do THEY need? How do THEY need you to show up for them? Are you inspiring trust?

That’s it. When we consider these 5 areas — our presence and the way we show up follows. Any actions or words that come out of our mouth will be more likely to be more helpful and in service of our clients and showing up well.

At the end of the day, it’s all about awareness, intention, and choice.

It’s so simple that it can feel complicated.

We get so close to it that we can miss it.

And we get so busy, that we can forget.

But we want to remember, and we want to show up. (Note: If you don’t “want" to, you probably “need” to even more so.)

Our clients, our businesses, and our impact are counting on it.

Here’s to Showing Up and doing it beautifully.

Happy Monday. X

This article first appeared on Inc.com on May 23, 2016.