The Positive Energy Workplace

The fine art of giving and receiving has been on my mind a lot lately...I've been holding it as "graceful reciprocity."

Giving without expectation or attachment. Receiving with grace and intention.

There is a fine line between the two.

Contribution is a big deal in leadership and creating. The ability to receive gracefully is a big deal as well. People often miss the link between the two.

In order to contribute at our highest ability, we also have to be able to receive well. To give without expectation or attachment - being generous and open; and to receive with grace and presence - being vulnerable and open to another...that is the fine art of reciprocity.

On the flip side of this and taking the "fine line" a bit deeper: when we contribute with expectation, because we want something, or when we receive with resistance, fear or skepticism - it ruins the magic of what's possible.

I believe it is an art to dance between the two; an art that takes intention, clarity, vulnerability, and truth. And when it's there, when we get it even close to "right", magic happens. The energy of graceful reciprocity flows.

I was having dinner with a client last week when we got to talking about change, and more specifically, what gets in the way of people creating what they want in their lives. What makes people STOP when they get close to what they want, and in some cases, way before then? Words like "comfort zones", "fear", and "ecology" were flowing...Now of course, in the spirit of total transparency, in addition to some of the issues he was seeing with his own team and organization, he was also challenging me to do something that kind of...scares. the. pants. off. of. me...My client was holding MY feet to the fire. (Fancy that...I'd be lying if I said it wasn't...delicious.)

Where the conversation started, and where it ended, is not as necessarily as important as what happened in the middle...

We outed the mysterious "they."

Who is this mysterious "they"? Now before I go further, I don't know if any of you have this guy in your family, but when I was growing up, we had a 7th member of our family named "nobody." "Nobody" was the one who left the milk out, the bathroom a mess, the chores undone, my sisters' hair pulled..."nobody" was a strong force in our home. (Oddly, now as a parent, "nobody" has somehow found his way into our home as well.) "Nobody's" job was to keep us safe, to be our scape goat, to prevent accountability. In retrospect, I actually see that in many ways, "nobody" kept us from growing. He got a lot of our many great life lessons.

Anyhow...I'm fairly certain that "nobody" is a very close cousin to "they". And "they" is now getting all the "good stuff."

Here's how I notice it plays out...

I get to have juicy conversations just about every day of my life. My work depends on it. My inner impact goddess thrives on it. My clients create change by it. In fact, I'm finding that one of my metrics for meaning, joy, and how much impact I create, is in the amount of conversations I have that 1) feed my soul, 2) make me think, 3) contribute to another human being, 4) help move something forward, and 5) create a bigger conversation that ripples positively.

I can't tell you how many conversations a day I have with people where they've missed their "intended impact" in a conversation, on a project, in communicating with their team, or with their partner. Nor could I tell you how many conversations I have with people who are feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, desiring more balance, desiring more, dissatisfied with...something. And, though it's slightly easier to quantify, I can't tell you how many conversations I have with people who want more; who want to do more; want to do it better; want to create greater impact; and who want to influence others more effectively.

I was meeting with a prospective client yesterday who at the end of our call said that if they could integrate just a couple of the things we discussed, into their personal lives and their team dynamics, life might be easier. "Maybe it doesn't have to be this hard." This, of course, kind of delighted me. So I said, "Great. Go implement."

I've had conversations like this before. And this usually comes up somewhere in them: What might get in the way of implementing? "Forgetting. Getting busy. This stuff is hard. Others."

So I offer this, as I offer it to you. It doesn't have to be hard. You're going to learn a ton in your life. You're going to see a bunch of things you want to do better; behaviors you want to adopt; skills you want to master; things you want to create; things you want others to do. Not everyone is going to want to play. (It's not about them anyway. You start.) Cool. So get started, and stay present - no matter where you are.

One personal default (or team default - this tends to be universal) is often to be overwhelmed by how much you might want to do, how hard it might be to do it, the challenge of just getting it started. And in the end, to sometimes just to do nothing at all. It doesn't have to be this way, but somehow we go there.

The secret to movement and shifting behavior? Presence. Appreciation. One step at a time. Big or little.